We all could think of answers to this question, so what is yours? I have many answers, probably the most honest one is me, myself and I.
I hold myself back, I am the one who gets in the way, I get in GOD’S way. He has so many wonderful things for me, how many times do I get in His way?
Heard a speaker a few years ago who was disabled and in a wheelchair. He spoke to us about how God was using him. I came away from listening to him thinking that he is not the one disabled, I am the one disabled. He is able, God “abled” him. I am the one who is not using to the fullest what God is blessing me with, I am “dis-abling” my gifts.
Fear keeps me held back. Fear of many things. Failure, fear of being judged, especially by other women. Not being good enough. Not. Being. Enough. Period. Not measuring up, being alone, not being able to confide, truly confide in someone else. To be heard, truly heard from my heart.
So sometimes I judge, maybe it is a defense mechanism. I think I judge before someone can judge me. There have been times I judged someone and been very wrong, I am SO glad I was wrong. But I am WRONG to judge.
Months ago Ann Voskamp wrote an awesome piece titled the Ultimate Girlfriend Gift ( http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/05/the-ultimate-girlfriend-gift/). It really touched me, deeply. I heard myself in every line and began feeling very strongly that it was something that women I knew needed to hear. God even told me as much. In the piece women wrote on stones one word that was keeping them from friendships with other women. Words such as fear, trust, vulnerability, time and not enough were some of the words written on the stones. And then they threw the rocks into the pond. One day I needed to drop my son off at the pastor’s home for a party, guess what I saw when I drove up to the house? A pond. To me this was God confirming His placing this specific need in my heart. He put it there. I still feel it. But I am holding myself back. Why?
Because I am not enough, but God is.
My very first blog post was about Elim, what or where was Elim and what did it have to do with my blog. I told you that I thought God was calling me to write & speak. But even if this is the only forum for me to write & speak about what God has done and will do in me, then that is fine. If that is what He has called me to do, then so be it. If only a few read this, that is okay too. If the Ultimate Girlfriend Gift is only for my benefit and I never get to share it with anyone else. I am still going to share it, even make the gift for a few of my friends. And maybe one day…I will quit getting in my Father’s way.
What keeps you back? I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way & am telling you that YOU are not the only one either. Please leave me a comment and let me know. And then, let’s commit to pray for each other. Make the Girlfriend Gift for one or more of your Girlfriend’s. They need it just as much as you.