Rejection

Reject~

~vb

1. to refuse to accept, acknowledge, use, believe, etc.

  1. to throw out as useless or worthless; discard.
  2. to rebuff (a person).

~n

  1. something rejected as imperfect, unsatisfactory, or useless.

 

 

We all have issues.  Probably the one I struggle with the most is rejection.  I am not sure where its roots lie, but somewhere long ago, my heart was deeply hurt and those feelings of rejection come up from time to time.  More often than I would like.  

I never really had put the name “Rejection” to it, until last year.  My oldest son was getting married, and I was having a difficult time.  So I went to see a Christian counselor to help guide me through my feelings and emotions.  At the end of a session she announced that she thought I had rejection issues.  Wow, that really hit me.  After thinking about it for a while I realized she was right.  Looking back at many events it came up time, after time, after time.  Why did I feel so rejected?  Why did I feel, as the definition above so aptly puts it, useless or worthless, imperfect, unsatisfactory?  

Why did I never get asked to dance in Jr. High at school dances? 

Why as a teenager did it seem that I was always on the wrong side of the arguments between best friends?  The ones where you did not speak to them for months.  (Looking back, maybe it was because I was wrong.)

Why did friends one day, quit being my friend?

When I asked a boy to a dance, or hay ride, or formal, why did they tell me no? Or tell me yes, then back out? 

Why was my husband unfaithful?

Why do my co-workers not invite me to lunch?

Why did my mother replace me with my oldest son?

  

So Father, why does it hurt so much?

Why did you make me such an emotional being, that things hurt me so deeply?

Because you gave me a heart of flesh, and flesh hurts.  What happens when you cut yourself?  It bleeds.  That is what happens when someone cuts your heart.  And sometimes it cuts deeply, and it takes a long time to get over it.  

All the above questions also have a common denominator, and it is me.  So the problem must be me, right?  Something must be wrong with me.  Sometimes, yes, the problem is me.  Sometimes I am wrong, and my darn, stubborn, wretched, black, selfish, scarred, bleeding, wounded, fleshy heart is the problem.

But sometimes, the problem lies in someone else’s heart.  Maybe their heart has been wounded too, and they have put up walls just like I have to keep from being hurt again.  (I can tell you, sometimes those walls don’t work.)

And sometimes, those wounds fester.  They turn into bitterness.  I confess, that I have some of those bitter roots in my heart.  And I am working on them.  Well, God is working on healing them, I am praying.

 

Am I any of those things? According to my Father, I am not. Here is what I am:

I am the daughter of the Most High God.
I am loved, redeemed and renewed.
I am chosen, blameless and holy.
I was bought at a great price.
God knows me thoroughly and yet loves me completely.
He has plans for my future that include hope, not harm; blessings, not banishment.
I belong to Him.

 

Oh, if I could just remember that every time someone says an unkind thing.  But most of the time what I remember is the pain.  So sisters, we have to stop and remember that we are each ALL of the above.  Our Father made us perfectly, heart of flesh and all.  But don’t be deceived, that perfect heart of flesh can lie to you.  Remember Whose you are today.  

This verse should have been at the top of this page, instead of the definition of Rejection.  Because it does NOT define me!  

Hebrews 13:5b

…because God has said,
“Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.”

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That Sunday Feeling

Do you ever leave Church and wish you could keep that feeling all week?  I know I do.  I sit in Church and talk to God about all the things I have done wrong and ask Him each week to help me through the next.  Sometimes my heart breaks over how I disappointed Him and broken His heart over my actions, thoughts, words.  I mean well.  I fully intend on doing things different that next week.  But for some reason most of the time I do not follow through and find myself back in the same seat the next.  Can I say…I really hate it.  I know He is there.  I know He is waiting on me.  But my flesh gets in the way.  Most of the time it’s just life.  The busyness.  The job.  The family.  The stuff.   Some weeks I do better than others, spending more time with Him.  But I still strive to do more.  I know I will never be as close to Him as I should, but so thankful that HE gives me His Grace & Mercy fresh every day.

Today, I am also thankful that Sunday is only a few days away!

I Peter 5:7

7 Turn all your worries over to him. He cares about you.

I used to think this was such a cliché verse.  One that when you had problems people would always recite.  So when God and I were talking about His plans for me,  I told Him that I did not want a “cliché” verse.  I didn’t want one everybody knew.  I wanted to be different.  Well, as I began praying and asking Him to reveal His vision & mission for me, what verse did He lead me to over and over again?  I Peter 5:7.  

He knows that I need to know He cares about me.  And not just in a “cliché” way.  He cares about every aspect of my life.  From anxiety over my job, to the relationships with my boys and husband, to my uncertainty of what He is doing in my life.  ALL aspects of me and my life, He cares about each one.

He showed me John 11:35, “Jesus wept” (sobbed, cried).  This is where Lazarus had died and Jesus cried with his sisters.  Now Ladies, we all know that sometimes men are not the best at comforting.  And when we need a gentle word, they usually come back with some logical response that does not help at all.  Jesus knew that Lazarus would rise from the dead, as a matter of fact He even said so, but they did not understand.  But instead of giving them some logical answer, He cried with them.  He sobbed with them.  He grieved with them.  So in their deepest pain He comforted them.  And when I am struggling, grieving, angry, anxious, whatever emotion I am feeling, He comes along side me and is right there.  What a wonderful Father, to give us a Son that is 100% human and feels emotion.  It is not a bad thing to feel.  Christ felt emotion.  So if HE could, then we can.

So I am not trying to be cliché, but He does care.  He cares about you.  Please remember that today.